My big, fat story- Part 2.

A few months back I posted a blog post called My big, fat story, which went a bit mental. I had thousands of views on it from all over the place. People were intrigued on how I coped with being, well being fat. People were also amused at how freely I talked about the side effects of being 'fat' and how happy I am. But after all the nice comments, lovely messages and views, I got a message off a boy. I won't name him because that's unfair, this boy was my bully, the person who made me cry, who made me scared to go into school. this boy ruined my life, until he left that is. I won't copy down the whole message because that's also very unfair. "Hey I don't know if you remember me, I remember you that's for sure. I just want to say sorry for everything and that I was stupid and I never knew how much it hurt you. I hope you can forgive me and we can move on. Great post!" That's a rough idea of what he put, apart from most of it was in text language, which most of you won't actually be able to understand. The bit that got me was that he asked for my forgiveness, he asked me to forgive him. So what did I say? Did I tell him where to go? No, of course I didn't. I forgave him because I truly think he meant every word in message.

Part two of this is looking at how it (as in being 'fat) effects relationships, because trust me, it does.

This is going to be pretty personal, but that's what this blog is about, isn't it?

I talked about me having good and bad days. On the bad days it can be really challenging for both of us, I don't want to wear nice clothes, show off my curves or whatever we are calling an arse and boobs nowadays. I just want to wear a hoody and leggings and not do much.  I do everything I can to conceal everything and make sure the boy I'm speaking to doesn't have to look at my fat. I was quite lucky really, the guy who seen more of my body than anyone else was amazing, he knew what to do when I was having a bad day, when I went on a Costa date with him wearing no make up, looking horrible. He knew what to do when I was feeling uncomfortable when I walked past another group of girls who probably were perfectly nice.

It probably was hard for him, to see my cry when nothing would look right, when it looked just the same as it did yesterday. Having bad days suck, they really do. So to that guy, that guy who made me realise that I was perfectly fine to go out my house with no make up or to meet me after college when I'd just done practical and feed my Millies Cookies. Thank you, thank you so much.

Then we have the good days, them days I feel like a supermodel and that any piece of clothing I own will look flawless. The days were no make up is acceptable and scruffy buns are so right. Today, today is a okay day. I'm not feeling anything to be fair. I'm wearing a comfy clothes but that's because I had driving this morning (yes, I failed my test, I hate life).

I think I have just been sick, because she probably never even said this. Cute though isn't it?

Being like I am is fine, is totally fine. My friend who is a size 8 has these days. Boys have these days no doubt. I know they do because my best friends are boys and sometimes they think they look hideous. It's okay to feel not yourself, it's a part of life. What's not okay is to feel like this all the time, then maybe you need to get help of some type. I know how shit it is to be that friend in the group who never gets any compliments, who's always the 'fill that space' friend. I know what it's like to have to think about your pose with friends so you look skinnier or your arms are hidden.

I go to parties, I have relationships (hmm), I have friends, I socialise and some days, I stay in bed and watch Netflix. I really do not get the stigma with people thinking anyone who is a clothing size 14+ just sits at home, eating, drinking full fat coke and wears skirts. WE DON'T. Okay, maybe I do spend most of my time in bed, in a onesie but that's because I am a lazy 17 year old who is going through heart ache.

Apart from all this, would I change myself? No, never! I wouldn't change a single thing about myself, I'm even starting to like my nose. I love my round face, wok eye, glasses and small hands. I love my tummy roles, flabby arms and sometimes, just sometimes I love the fact that I can't wear stripper boots because, cankles.. There is boy out there for me, who will love me for me, will love me for the fact I hate drugs and smoking, I hate football, I love beards and I really love Unicorns. There is a guy out there who will love me, and there is one for you too.

I don't care if I loose out on the 'man of my dreams' because I refuse to loose weight and life off 3 milkshakes a day. Obviously, he is not the man of my dreams, more like man of my nightmares. I am Anna Taylor and I'm proud to be 13 stone and a glorious 4 pounds. (Yes, I have some how lost weight since my last 'My big, fat story. If you find it, please tell me.) If I can be, So can you!

I created my big fat story to be truthful, to tell you how it is and to type things I can't say out loud.

Thank you everyone, for making each and every good day, even better.

Mwah

X x x